I’m 21 weeks today. It’s a huge accomplishment as I’m still dealing with preterm labor every day. It’s also really hard, as I am doing it alone. Yes I have the support (for the most part) from my family. My best friend (who is a million miles away in North Dakota) is there for any time I need her. But I’m missing that one piece in my support system. One that I have never really known.
With Jerzi, her father was there, but totally not supportive at all. Only went to one Dr appointment and was there when she was born but not there for me. And then decided after she was born his crs were more important than us. When she was 18 months he decided he didn’t want to be a dad.
With Harli, I found out I was pregnant with her 2 days after leaving my drug addict ex. I chose not to have him around because he became abusive. He has still yet to get clean even after I have given him chance after chance to be in her life.
Now with Daniella, her father is a down right fucking idiot! He used me for my money, cheated on me and told everyone he didn’t want this baby. (He has 2 other kids that he would do any thing to see) He was verbally abusive and a complete narcissist. So I came back home to be with family. It has taken them awhile to come around to the fact that I am having another baby, but I know everything will be ok in my heart, because this is my third time doing this.
It is just the alone feeling that I can’t stand. I’m not worried about caring for her by myself or providing for her. It’s not having that companionship to share this with that person. To experience this all alone in my head. To not have someone hug me when I am having a bad day or to hold my hand through these horrible contractions that are way too early to be here.
I’m sorry for the sappy feel bad for me post this morning but that’s what these are for right? To let out how I feel.
I hope everyone has a great day!
All my love!